Being a mother is hard. Real hard. A whole lot harder than I had ever imagined it would be.
This. This is what I said I wanted for years. To be a wife and mom. And God has blessed me with both titles and I sit here and complain about how hard it is. It is easy to complain. I have a list always in my mind of all the things that make my life hard right now.
Not Enough Sleep.
House a Mess.
Short Date Nights (because our son won’t take a bottle.)
Can’t Go Anywhere.
Thing is, this list while true, is also not the full truth. Yes, mothering is hard. Very hard. To say it’s not would be a lie. But here’s the thing, the thing I am finding out albeit slowly.
Yes, mothering is hard but it’s also a special time that I will never get back again. I begged God for these blessings and complaining about them, the cause and effects of having them is just plain wrong. Yes, it’s a human thing to do but that doesn’t change that it’s wrong to sit here and complain. I don’t think I realized I was complaining constantly, if only in my head, until last night. I got so angry, I spoke harshly to my sweet, sweet husband and even got frustrated with our son because he wasn’t latching and eating like I thought he was supposed to. I felt exhausted and stressed and there were many things that added to the pressures of the day that ended with me blowing up.
This morning, after struggling fighting exhaustion to get out of bed to go feed our son at 4:30, I pumped from the side he didn’t take and sat with my hubby while he ate breakfast before leaving for work. We talked. We listened to a couple of chapters read on our phones. We prayed. And then I went back to bed.
I have to stop complaining. I have to start praising God for all these blessings he’s given me and I have to stop trying to be so in control. My sweet husband pointed out this morning that I am struggling so hard to be in control of everything and I am not trusting in God’s control.
So here’s my new list.
- Sleep will happen, be thankful for when it does.
- Healthy son who has healthy lungs. God is there when I cry. Psalm 126
- Dishes and laundry are normally done. Dinner isn’t always thrown together last minute.
- DS will eventually take good naps. Stay consistent and be thankful when he does sleep well.
- Be so thankful for family who will watch DS and for a husband who takes alone time seriously.
- Be thankful for a schedule that DS is thriving on and be okay with days that get thrown off.
Biggest take away from these deep thoughts is that I have to give up my false sense of security that I am in control and allow God to have that control (that he’s always had).
Enjoy the snuggles, take deep breaths, cry, go out, enjoy time alone with hubby(even if it’s short), read God’s word and cry out to him for help.
So, yes this is hard work but it is also a blessing. Accept it as such and take it moment by moment.
DS – Dear Son
A Song of Ascents
When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like those who dream. Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among nations, “The LORD has done great things for them.” The LORD has done great things for us; we are glad. Restore our fortunes, O LORD, like streams in the Negeb! Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.